 fortune index all fortunes
| | #5181 | | There is nothing wrong with Southern California that a rise in the
ocean level wouldn't cure.
-- Ross MacDonald
| | | #5182 | | There must be at least 500,000,000 rats in the United States; of course,
I never heard the story before.
| | | #5183 | | There once was this swami who lived above a delicatessan. Seems one
day he decided to stop in downstairs for some fresh liver. Well, the owner
of the deli was a bit of a cheap-skate, and decided to pick up a little extra
change at his customer's expense. Turning quietly to the counterman, he
whispered, "Weigh down upon the swami's liver!"
| | | #5184 | | There was this New Yorker that had a lifelong ambition to be an Texan.
Fortunately, he had an Texan friend and went to him for advice. "Mike,
you know I've always wanted to be a Texan. You're a *____real* Texan, what
should I do?"
"Well," answered Mike, "The first thing you've got to do is look
like a Texan. That means you have to dress right. The second thing
you've got to do is speak in a southern drawl."
"Thanks, Mike, I'll give it a try," replied the New Yorker.
A few weeks passed and the New Yorker saunters into a store dressed
in a ten-gallon hat, cowboy boots, Levi jeans and a bandanna. "Hey, there,
pardner, I'd like some beef, not too rare, and some of them fresh biscuits,"
he tells the counterman.
The guy behind the counter takes a long look at him and then says,
"You must be from New York."
The New Yorker blushes, and says, "Well, yes, I am. How did
you know?"
"Because this is a hardware store."
| | | #5185 | | There's just something I don't like about Virginia; the state.
| | | #5186 | | There's something different about us -- different from people of Europe,
Africa, Asia ... a deep and abiding belief in the Easter Bunny.
-- G. Gordon Liddy
| | | #5187 | | Three Midwesterners, a Kansan, a Missourian and an Iowan,
all appearing on a quiz program, were asked to complete this sentence:
"Old MacDonald had a . . ."
"Old MacDonald had a carburetor," answered the Kansan.
"Sorry, that's wrong," the game show host said.
"Old MacDonald had a free brake alignment down at the
service station," said the Missourian.
"Wrong."
"Old MacDonald had a farm," said the Iowan.
"CORRECT!" shouts the quizmaster. "Now for $100,000, spell 'farm.'"
"Easy," said the Iowan. "E-I-E-I-O."
| | | #5188 | | Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
-- Frank Lloyd Wright
| | | #5189 | | To a Californian, a person must prove himself criminally insane before he
is allowed to drive a taxi in New York. For New York cabbies, honesty and
stopping at red lights are both optional.
-- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts
| | | #5190 | | To a Californian, all New Yorkers are cold; even in heat they rarely go
above fifty-eight degrees. If you collapse on a street in New York, plan
to spend a few days there.
-- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts
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